Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I could not think straight,my train of thoughts was often interrupted my the invisible upwelling of tears. I just wanted to bawl my eyes out and let the world carry on without me.But there wasn't any will nor key to get me there.
Racing past my head was the last images of our fondest memories.I remembered feeling hesitant about the whole idea of telling him,cause I know the consequences of it was as painful as losing a limb.I never understood why I had to be such an unfortunate party to suffer this ill-fate.
The only reason why I had to choose this option was due to the low inner strength imposed on me. It was really something I did not have and I saw risk-taking was the only way to not aggravate the matter. The birth of the news was not even intended but still, I did not hate myself for feeling bad nor guilty and therefore continued with my principle. Anyway, the proclaimed serene;did not even give a hoot about it and I see no reason why I should worry away.
But looking back on the pain I had to endure, it was hard to not feel dejected. Afterall, it was not some ordinary pain, it was going to be months of sheer torture. But to not add insult to the injury, there was still people who helped me alleviate the burden off my shoulders. And I wanna thank you people and god for not letting go any belittlement nor humiliation on me. These million parings of heart flesh will soon or later be passed on to someone else. Realising itself a ninny,will happen.
Whenever I decided my mind about something, it was almost impossible to ditch the decision after much thought. I had not had a proper sleep nor appetite(please,don't think I'm indirectly trying to gain sympathy,soo not that type of person.Can't bear bottling anyway) since the day I first ,found my choler rising about it.
Now that I had thought it through, my heart an mind had set on it. And so, I need to went ahead with the decision half-heartedly, I vowed never to look back and move on, or at least pretend to.
marfi @ 12:54 AM