Tuesday, September 06, 2005
currently listening to pussycat dolls's dont cha.This song has got me addicted,and i mean soo addicted.it just boost my spirits high.
im trying to make sense here.i had my sense all wrong.they're making each own's tracks.see,whut i mean is,i fetish slim feminine frames.but not till the extent of being ashamed of myself which is by staring at myself in a zero size sundress draped loosely over me.Or in fact, looking like a little girl swimming in her mother's clothes.I dont want to get panic as my eyes frantically scanned through the rest of my body only to find out that my face become gaunt,and my bright eyes had become dull and faded,later,just slightly sunken in as if all my desire for life has been sucked out.With every glance,i see fat here and there,where there should have been the beginnings of womanly curves.I dont want everything about me to be so tiny and frail tt reminds me of a twig tt could be snapped with a blow of harsh winter wind.And lastly,i dont want to have myself ended, overwhelmed my guilt.
now im figuring if there's a conclusion to drastic change.
As the day snatches time,I bring myself forward to the head to toe mirror in my room and stood there criticising myself about how fat i looked and how tight the shirt was.how had this happened?I found out in my first stage of teenage, which was the year when attention on being thin became emphasized.Diets became my obsession.There was a new one to try every month,each promising better results than the last.They were "in style" the same way bohemians or surfbabes clothes like roxy were.I was insecure about being fat,which suprised people because they say i have such a healthy-hot-cute body.But seeing those stick-figured girls talk about thier diets only perpetuated my insecurity.
marfi @ 1:58 AM