let me kiss you out of the bearded barley

2007-02-18T23:14:00.000-08:00

Since I was down to say anything about anything.I shall say anything about the WEATHER!!

Beautiful weather here I come.

Rain rain..I want a saint

Sun sun..I want a son

Moon moon..I want a balloon

Snow snow..I want a show

Star star..I want a cookie jar

Wind wind..I want to win

Cloud cloud..I want to shout

Cold cold..I want to be bold

Hot hot..I want a shot!

Drizzle drizzle..I want to sizzle

Dark dark..HAKIM BARKS!!

teeheehee =) taik,lets go get ice cream after this k

Courtesy by: Hakim sotong and Ayu cute =)

2007-02-01T23:18:00.000-08:00

Please forgive me for the incessant delay of posting people.I was really busy with my job to such an extent I didn't had time to share the little details of my issues.So on this blissful afternoon,I had set some time for a little talk out of the few things I have literally learnt when working,only during this off day.

Working with the few people from Giordano has definitely helped me to identify and assemble elements of effective communication.In that sense,communication with a problem person is similar to making a phone call.I'll have to dial all the numbers in the correct oreder if I want to get through. Leave just one digit and I will not get through.Yet,it is still possible to learn the number and dial correctly, and completelt transform interactions with people I can't stand.

People like The Tank:

Pushy and ruthless, loud and forceful or with the quiet intensity and surgical percision of a laser,the Tank assumes thet the end justifies the means.Expect no mercy.He is the Mr Area Manager.Suckhead.

The Sniper:

This covert operator identifies your weaknesses and uses them against you, through sabotage behind your back or well-aimed putdowns in front of the crowd.She is shop manager for one of the junior outlets.

The Know-It-All:

This person knows 98 percent of anything.Just ask! Know-It -Alls will tell you what they know-for hours at a time-but won't take a second to listen to your inferior ideas.He is Mr JC boy.yeah yeah,whatever.

The Yes Person:

Quick to agree,slow to deliver,the Yes Person leaves a trail of unkept commitments and broken promises.Though they say no one, Yes people overcommit to please.

TheNo Person:

They say that," What goes up must come down." And what conmes down must never be allowed to get back up again.Doleful and discouraging,they drive others to despair.

And The Whiner:

There's a plan for their lives, but they're not in it. Instead, they wallow in their woe, whine incessantly, and carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.He is the one and only Mr coakroach guy.I called him that cause he does look like one.No joke.heehee

Enough about work,there are the last few things which kept me insist to tell.Here's a heartfelt notice on how much I miss them.They are my friends:

Kim boy,I didnt have any picture of you alone so my last resort was to capture your pic and gg from her blog.Sorry kim boy boy.Same goes to Badd's pic,captured from Syuh's blog.

I MISS YOU PEOPLE GIANT BODY LOADS!!

2007-01-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

2007-01-01T03:29:00.000-08:00

2006? What a year.However we still have to wave our hands meticulously goodbye and a welcome hand-hat party to 2007.

So anyway,hari raya haji had to come to a clash with new years eve.Much to a nightmare was that,I was barricading my thoughts on meeting gg and wan,eventually we met at 11.And when we boarded the train,suprisingly we had to breathe in the smell of beer which smell worst than cow dunk.ugh.

I clutched gg's fingers with ecstasy,fearing we might just get pushed around and got lost and my fading voice won't make a sign.After which we met with the other few girls and boys and made a wholesome shrill of glee,bawling happy new year and all.In the torrid heat of the night,noone felt the need to walk far or indulge in strenuous running.We patted delicately at the sweat on our brows and neck,and soon made a butt down to a little corner down old parliamant lane.

The boys were so set to head to chijmes that I felt like a salt easily dissolved into their influence.We soldiered our way there even though the old and ragged moon was telling me to set home,but it threw a hard light and shadow.And when we got there,my legs were already indicating tension,prudently didi and I scrabbled to the middle of the dance floor and start whirling our feets and hands to the dance beat.The music was getting more catchier untill our dance turn to a quadruple step.haha.Believe it or not,I was not sure whether he was a phillipine,but according to didi he was.Nevermind about that,he whimsically nailed into our group and started dancing whom I thought he only resembled the popular notion of a disgusting big over boiled potato.ugh.Much to the annihilation,I thought he was trying to get close with me and suddenly my glee turned to terror.For a while,I stood there in the same spot transfixed.

So that was what mostly happened for our new year party.I have pictures,but the computer simply refused to read my memory card.Sobs.

2006-12-27T23:45:00.000-08:00

What is a classic really? Apa itu sebenarnya klasik? It's not a fad,so your current craze for vintage dresses doesn't count.But your old Bacckstreet Boys or Westlife or Mariah Carey's Vision Of Love does cause it's and eternal guilty pleasure.Something refined and elegant like your clutch bag can be called classic.It's also something nearly unparalleled and always popular like dirty matini. And even if it was a display of bed acting,the classic teen TV series is and always will be Beverly Hills 90210 because it set the formulas we see today on The O.C. and the like.

Classics never really go away. They may be forgotten for a while but they always come back,perhaps in a different form but with the essence retained.Think Clinique's classic three-step beauty regime.(i'm using it,been using it for a very long time u know) Though we now have extras like serums and scrubs,the core remains cleansing,toning and moisturising.

We hang on to the classics because they never fail us.Take it from history,a classic will last for life

2006-12-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it's because I'm a Gemini,but I've always felt like my emotions swing exrtremes.Take for example, my self-belief.Some days I feel so confident Mount Everest looks like a mere hump in the road.Other days,every molehill is a mountain. Back when I was still studying,I generally felt pretty unsecure about myself,even when harbouring infatuation toward males whose hormones were bouncing off the walls.I soldiered on through my Primary and Secondary years,having serial crushes.In some cases,I had no qualms about making the first move. But after a few failed pathetic-lame-oh-so-romantic sorties,I found my self-doubt resurfacing with a vengeance.Depending on the time of the day, and whether I was PMS-ing, my thoughts ranged from, "Of course there is someone out there for me!" to "It's not me,it's them" to "So I'll just be one of those cool single women.Cats make a pretty good pet anyway."

Okay enough about the self-story telling.Lets move on with some old ripe example.

Example of the "he" and "she"
(imagine it's a continue from the above)

Then she started seeing someone.Three years after she was nursed,and had worked hard to snuff out,this Great Crush of her life,he entered her life again and told her he liked her and they would formed that often-smuf entity known as a couple.

She,however hated to admit this,but being with him has boosted her self-confidence a lot more than all the rah-rah-ing she've done before the mirror and the "You go, girl!" books she've memorised.

Then I came in(means back to my-say,short while only)

Accepting my body,similiarity to teapot and all,is one thing.Having someone tell me said body is not just fine,but fine, is another thing altogether.You know those polls in magazines claiming that woman tend to find themsleves fatter than guys think they are? I'm not sure how true this is,considering the number of times I've heard hideous-looking males criticising the appearance of random women, but in this case, I am more than happy to be statistic.

Shopping trips often leave me feeling homocidal because finding trousers that fit is almost impossible(thanks to Asian sizing and mom's hips,back when she was young), and my boobs were not made fro the so-called free size tank tops stocked in most of the local shops.But it's hard to feel bad about my body only if someone comes and tell me with the appropriate lasciviousness, that I look ravishing.

Then the "he" and "she" story chime in.Her say.

On the other hand,he sometimes unwittingly sends into big-time body purgatory .She recently got a new skirt for the first time since,oh,the Berlin Wall. When she suprised him with this quasifeminine getup,he was accordingly appriciative and complimentary . But what she didn't count on was what he said,in a tone of awe,when she slipped into her new towering espadrille wedges: "Wow, your calf muscles are really big.You look like ...a cyborg!" He topped it off with the dom dom dom sounds an appoaching giant might make.

(Back to my say)

Now guys listen up.You can be huge Gundam fans and total slaves to science fiction, but you do not compare a woman to a half-human,half-robot creature with limbs that flatten buildings and crush entire cities.Trust me, the way to reassure us after we get all paranoid about our lower limbs or fatty jelly belly is not by saying,"So? Good what.You have runner's legs" or "So? Good what.Its a safe protection for our future growing baby who's inside the tummy" The correct thing to do is to positively compare us to Gisele even our total height is probably equivelent only to the length of her thigh bone.

2006-12-03T01:32:00.000-08:00

*laughs*okay okay..

Dear Readers,

Have you ever have a friend who almost make you laugh everyday,and when laughter happens it has to be those torso-pinching laughters.If you must have,paste their pictures on your blog and label them 'Your Funniest Friend-cum-Clown'.You might want to use some of the ways which I had done below.*laughs again*

My friend who was born with a a humourous talent:
JEFFEREY LIM

PICTURE NUMBER 1

HUMOUROUS LOOK 1: THE FOLDED NECK *laughs*

PICTURE NUMBER 2

HUMOUROUS LOOK 2: THE FUTURE GENERATION OF AN
EVIL SWEEPER,okay whatever i think its funny thats all.hurhur

And lastly,this is my most favourite picture of all
Jefferey's humour picture collection.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pig,just by looking at your face can make me laugh my blood out*

So if your friend has what it takes to be the
next 'Friend with the most humourous look',
paste it in your blog.*hehe*

okay i bet jeff's angry with me once he chanced upon this,alah taik i treat you gelare ice cream ok and one kish.ehehhe

2006-12-01T00:07:00.000-08:00

Have all of us,subconsciously or not,lose faith in sustaining relationships?

During our parents' black-and-white days,women were expected to marry the first guy they met and pledge to stay together forever.But our generation is a cynical bunch.Increasingly, when we hear about newly-formed couples,we would all go,"I give them three months,six tops." Why the scepticism?(i'm scepticism at times too) Are we too consumed by HEADS- the Happily-Ever-After Deficiency Syndrome, that we've grown bored of love and butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling it brings?

Of course, there are exceptions.There are still hopeless romantics who shed tears of joy when they find out their butchers' daughter finally got hitched to the man of her dreams.They're also the ones who genuinely believe their own Prince Charming is still out there even after failed relationships(im included here). And when Prince Charming does finally arrive, he will stay by their sides and protect them from evil relatives and fire-breathing bosses.

Most of us call them too idealistic,immature even.But the presence of these hopeless romantics injects a dash of hope into today's otherwise sad love stories.Accounts of unhappy couples and broken marriages are surfacing quicker than Brangelina(Bratt pitt and Angelina) can walk down the aisle, if ever. I have friends who have been single up till now,not because they haven't found the right one but because they're afraid of getting hurt.(im very scared of this f.y.i)

I dare say most of us crave intimacy and stable relationships, but there's just this niggling fear in us that makes us hold back from truly believing that what we want is possible. Perhaps we've been betrayed by someone we trusted or perhaps we've seen couples close to us-even our parents- go their seperate ways after solid years of romance. I,in fact contracted HEADS after witnessing seemingly happy couples head to Splitsville without any danger signs.But that does not mean I have stopped believing in the fairytale romance altogether.

2006-11-29T00:38:00.000-08:00

If only I could sit down and re-write or redact whatever one does to a 17-year accumulation of episodes.I would want to skirt off every demonize act one has done to it.Skipping every mutual relationship it has reacted to it.More to say it might just slip of our fingers and roll down to the drain while leaving scarred tissues on our hearts.

We do not have to discover connection techniques and processes from the beginning;they learn from the previous generation,who learn from their previous predecessors, and so on.And so if we apply this special technique into our daily lives,I reckon everyone will remain safe,safe from danger.

We may accidently slip our tounge to certain people especially when we're totally indulge in our hearty chats.And worry not,we do it all the time.In times we try to understand each other so much so they fell to the curled rings of our tangled trap.Paradoxically producing a sense of liberation in me,because many people have tried to make the decision for me,and how did I answered to it? I blow my mind out.

Something has happened to my lovable friend Her sickly body is making nothing except punching my heart painfully.Invisible tears crossed my cheek and hers.I inversed back to nostalgic,trying to make everything work out well for her.I cannot answer to her problem neither make her pain go away.But I can try though,or even stab the culprit until he or she is totally disfigured.*Sighs*

And again I was confronted with pictures of smiling dolphins with sounds of angry chants telling me to adjust myself to the world that the fact that not every problem is solvable and that the global tide is inexorable.

I pray and hope that us humans can solve our problem like walking on copses and then go on with our lives leaving the past as history

And so be it.

2006-11-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

"A little less fun More of a boredom" was how yesterday's trip went.Tell me was it worth it sailing almost one hour of journey to vivocity and claim to fun for only two insufficient hours.Give me a face,I need to slap.My heart sank and my mind tells me not to go on further details.*pressing lips*

*Clasp hands,thought hard*And something cuts off the disraction.Blood pools stayed mobile on the grounds of esplanade.Ahuh.Gruesome I know.I did'nt know about this only when i came down form the rooftop with jeff and he start talking to my ear that there was a fight earlier on between two secret societies.According to witness didi claimed that the victim was stabbed at the head(geez) and noticedhim ran and yet stabbed twice.Bluergh.At that brief moment I was honestly standing bug-eyed and my heart just instantly stood still.

Since the computer is transferred to a much better environment and with my long holidays intact this means I'm going to make full use of it until whatever time,be it morning.HAHA!

2006-11-21T01:04:00.000-08:00

While it is true that my O levels are officially over,I certainly can't keep the expressions happy u know.3 months slaps up very quickly and i don't know what may come.Because i have to be really prepared on heading towards different directions be it staggering or running.Poly has been really putting my confidence to the level of shame cause i might just get bad grades you see.O levels? It's certainly not easy for the slow and the fast.

Reminiscing,i clutched on to the near reaches in my memory and remembered crying.I was doing maths i think.Yeah it was.The second time was Humans.I needed this presurising moment to over quickly,as fast as possible.Cause i nearly could not take it anymore.Of course, i shan't never give up,geez thats a waste if i gave up.Luckily i have couple of friends who saved me from the beatest juncture.

And when its over yesterday,i reckon even the plants could die hearing me screamed.It rubbed the pain and brushed off every single paper tragedie.Noone can stop me from littering the blocks with my hugest laughters.Phenomenon.HAHA.

Whatever the results is,life still goes on and it has to be constantly moving.I've made my backup plans.Mum knows about it but not dad.I dont want to jolt his frustrations yet.I swear to you he really want to see me in poly next year.But his demands are a little slim because the papers were hard.Man cambridge was a bitch.

I will be meeting the girls later when the sun sets.Yes i am looking forward mate.

2006-09-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

Last week when sex was boring,i deliberately scrolled down the net and found a few hilarious cum horny pictures hatched against me and I am plastering right here.

i have no idea,probably during that juncture their orgasm inclined and they had to take to down to issue of 'FREE SEXY LEGS! YEAY'

Geez...what a tan! hahahahah!!! waterskiing boy's tan is a funny one.Made him looked transexual.LOL!

OUH MY! is this what office workers really do during OT? Hmmm

ok so i do agree Ronald Mcdonald is a little bit lonelier than anyone else.On the behalf of Ronald,i really do appreciate you impersonating and sits with him,but how is it possible for you to have sex with him.Even if you could,its not going to be pleasurable cause his, is made of hard plastic-SUPER STEAMY!

Goodnight.Hehee (> ,)

2006-09-08T00:27:00.000-07:00

HADY MIRZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KAU KU CINTA!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!!

JANGAN HAMPE KAN I!!!!!!

DON'T DISSAPOINT ME!!!!

HADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

make me happy
make me sad
when ran together they turned bad.

The picture above says 'Lovin LIFE'.
Am I loving it right? :(

2006-08-20T01:30:00.000-07:00

I know its late.1.01 am now and only now then I start blogging.I had'nt post anything yet since ages ago and people have long start wondering why the fuck is ayu so fucking lazy. Well lat me tell you something readers,im no equivalent to regular bloggers whom bloggged everyday with sexy or cuty pretence pictures lacing their blog.And i dont nor cant blog every trace about my life(okay maybe a littl,perhaps 10 % only) in this particular avenue whom some people call it the free exposure web page.Sorry people i just cant,and if i've offended you,I'm sorry.Most people hate me for my hot thorns on jelly words.Hey,thats my nature and there;s nothing you can change that.

Me and mother aren't talking terms.It has been longer than i expected.Although she would still prepare me my ususal hot milo and kaya bread in the morning,I need to throw the stinkist rubbish,so it's like a trade.Mother was being unresonable and ridiculous about my results.So i received a C6 for mother tounge malay and it was suppose to be something expected.Then I called her and told her about the results.And this was her words,"c6? why so bad? ur cousin got a A2.What about your friends?" HELLO! I'm whimpering here,there you are comparing.A little advise or support will be a great help okay! Obviously,the blabbering of compare and condemning comtinued even though when i took a quick nap in the afternoon.Thanks to her sick speech,i got distracted and couldnt continue on my nap."Thanks for nothing ma"

I missed my usual sunday las vegas,miami ink and boston legal.And I had to miss it today.

I hopped onto dawn and xiaxue's blog.And they both looked pathetically artificial.Never have i thougtht they were pretty,and if anyone of you out there is trying their very best to smile cutily and smear a 12 level cake of extra-fair-than-your-own-skin foundation.I might wanna label you a caucasion wanna be gone wrong.Here's a tip: Apply bird's shit as your foundation,they make wonders. : )

2006-08-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know what im dealing on.For this past week,I felt like a real bitch.A real one,not as in just labelling yourself,cause that's different.It felt like the universe is crumbling below my heel,and cracks just do not seem to understand the meaning of leeway.And the next minute,I noticed my supercilious expression looking down my nose on the whole action.Maybe I'm fine,maybe I'm not.I dont know.I began to have more doubts and ifs than usual.Maybe I'm already convinced that I will never find true love and the glittering life i hoped was just pure fantasy.The reality-'selling' myself to survive-is a dehumanising grind which is just pushing me away from real love but towards a fascination with pure unintentional pleasure.Uhm.

For the mean time I'm perpetually waiting for my emotional barriers to be tested by a handsome man and choosing between thye dark path I'm on and risking everything to find my 'inner light'

Tell me readers if the things i said below are true,and if it had ever happened to you before

When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side.I saw this happen yesterdaay as the sun went down.And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! No herons and no distant music.So how is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly.
Life moves very fast.It rushes us from heaven to hell ina matter of seconds.

2006-07-25T00:54:00.000-07:00

I could not think straight,my train of thoughts was often interrupted my the invisible upwelling of tears. I just wanted to bawl my eyes out and let the world carry on without me.But there wasn't any will nor key to get me there.

Racing past my head was the last images of our fondest memories.I remembered feeling hesitant about the whole idea of telling him,cause I know the consequences of it was as painful as losing a limb.I never understood why I had to be such an unfortunate party to suffer this ill-fate.

The only reason why I had to choose this option was due to the low inner strength imposed on me. It was really something I did not have and I saw risk-taking was the only way to not aggravate the matter. The birth of the news was not even intended but still, I did not hate myself for feeling bad nor guilty and therefore continued with my principle. Anyway, the proclaimed serene;did not even give a hoot about it and I see no reason why I should worry away.

But looking back on the pain I had to endure, it was hard to not feel dejected. Afterall, it was not some ordinary pain, it was going to be months of sheer torture. But to not add insult to the injury, there was still people who helped me alleviate the burden off my shoulders. And I wanna thank you people and god for not letting go any belittlement nor humiliation on me. These million parings of heart flesh will soon or later be passed on to someone else. Realising itself a ninny,will happen.

Whenever I decided my mind about something, it was almost impossible to ditch the decision after much thought. I had not had a proper sleep nor appetite(please,don't think I'm indirectly trying to gain sympathy,soo not that type of person.Can't bear bottling anyway) since the day I first ,found my choler rising about it.

Now that I had thought it through, my heart an mind had set on it. And so, I need to went ahead with the decision half-heartedly, I vowed never to look back and move on, or at least pretend to.

2006-07-19T05:50:00.000-07:00

RACIAL HARMONY DAY

Yes yes yes! 5a2's Racial harmony day was a superb blast! My wonderful clear camera pictures will tell you more about what had been happening just now.haha,okay okay so here's a quick recap.Got ready your tissues already?Cause you're going to cry of laughter.heheh

I got school a little earlier as mentioned by ain but i still thought i was coming as usual(i'll come only when the gates are half closed).So since there were some time left,we took a quick snap of ourselves actually just to see if we were looking really fine.

This was when we girls vein-ly check our dressing,make sure there were'nt any wrinkles and as we add on a little touch of eyeliner on our sleepy eyes.

haha,so cute of syuh grinning mischeviously.10 points for her coolness! :D

Jeff were shouting for zai from the third level,since i could hear him why not take a pic of him.RiGhT?hehe,i think jeff looks adorable,just like the bear in my room.:)

During physics,me and the girls thought Mrs Chew resembles a karung guni woman with a little amp pouch wrapped around her little waist.HAHAH! still cant slip it off my mind.Try visualising Mrs Chew in a loose whute songket baju kurung,her hair still long staright with bangs which are soo-china vintage and a mic amp hung loosley around her waist.HAHAHAHAH! i thought it was really funny.What a comedian.Technically,these were what we were doing during physics.Well,I did my experiment though.

Lu chong gua.hahah! Actually she wanted to say gua chong lu.LOLS.Soo typical of claud.

And here's the rest of the happy moments.

A quick snap with Mr trevor,our "dear" humans teacher.Although he may he such an ass at times by picking on me almost all the time,he looked rather cute on the picture above.10 points for Mr Trevor!! Hooray!

The western stall was usually packed with greedy and impatient customers,so since its going to take 10 minutes of our recess period,the girls and I started cam-whoring as we thoguht it would be a perfect time killer.

(bad looking all adult)

makcik kpo siti kite yang paling ter-lame sekali terselit kape dol? ahhaha!!!! suke sebok sebok siti?:p

Err,the 5 unprofessional silat-tians?I hope not.

A total chinese picture of best buddy hakim and sizzling me(eheh).Kim told me I was looking boiling hot just now,somehow i thought hakim looked equally hot too.I mean seriously:)

My best blessings for the both of them,hope they will be together tilll eternity.

For a while i felt like a grandma,her grandkids kissing her.aww they love me.I love you guys too.i love you all more then my bed.

Mat was asking jeff to opened the locked door,so for a while me and syuh thought it would be a great deal by posing and making fun of mat by covering his ass with my fan.

the gay couple dancing together.mat muke pencil sey.hahah!lol

hahahahhahahahahahha!hahahahahah! you alomost made me pee in my pants sia! you bloody pig u.Pose bapok sey.haha.The best pose for today man! 50 points for Pakcik Rahmat Rahim!

the totally crammed up face.Thats jeff singing us a malay song.This hope-will-get-us-motivated-by-the-richness-of-malay-language song.what budaya song lah.

5A2 CAMARADERIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Carol Lau.the best teacher ever!.love you;)

Fashionistas best friends forever.lalallalal!

Gay ass boys.aww

jeff hugged me till i couldnt breathe,he purposely covered my noes with his scarf so that he could raped me after i dropped unconcious.whahahah!

sorry ain,spare me a litttle tinny witty bit of limelight.

Guess who's voluptous ass is this?

STILL DUNNO? SLOW-WITTED YOU

OKAY OKAY HERE'S A CLUE

hahhah! OKAY i bet you know who it is now.Hope she dosent finds out about this.nyahahah.awesome pictures huh? firstly i would like to thank my fantastic camera and also ehem ehem my also another fantastic photographing skills.So did you visit the toilet or wet plys of tissue papers?

hehe

Toodles: D

2006-07-18T01:02:00.000-07:00

HOILDAYS BABY!!

I hope im not too late to publish my family's holiday pictures during the late june holidays.They;my family and cousins all went off to kelantan earlier and left me all alone in singapore(boohoo)cause i had to attend my coursework B training module course.But,i still get to catch up with all the fun at pulau redangg.Syuh's another bug in the ass,cause she's been pestering me for the pictures.woops.eheheh.So,enjoy the pictures folks

while the aunties(that's my mom at the picture above heheh) checked out the kains...my cousins took a quick snap of this old lazy dozing off.Good job guys.HAHAH.muke kuih bantal sey

And here comes the pictures of me and family while going off to Redang island and while we were there.

beautiful isnt it,the vibrance of the green effect.

here i am,still very sleepy and tired form the 9 hour bus ride.thanks to hakim for borrowing his magnificent PSP(ehem ehem).

scene of the fantastic sea upon reaching

okay you might wanna consider that this beach is a zillion tons better then sentosa.okay like duh.tsk(thank god i have great opportunities to go here)

and lastly a picture of some comercial shoot for india.Awesome =D

FRANCE THE SPECTACULAR

2006-07-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

FRANCE THE SPECTACULAR!

THE ONES WHO DESERVES TO WIN: FRANCE!!!

Due to such a strong heart and determination,yes!They do deserve to win.Although they were'nt the winners of today morning's world cup match,they were indeed HEROES!

MAN OF THE MATCH:THE PLAYMAKER

ZINEDINE ZIDANE

AND A FANTASTIC HERO:
THIERY HENRY

NOW

THE ONES WHO FUCKING DONT DESERVE TO WIN

FUCKING ITALY! DUH!

No doubt they dont deserve to win, why? cause all they were looking for on today's morning match was;PENALTY! Super clearcut dude! All they were fucking doing was defend. Defending like a huge school of dumb fishes. Imagine,if the defence were'nt that much,would they stand a chance to win? Obviously not,duh! They were'nt attacking,NOT AT ALL! Doesn't that shows taht italy were just a bunch of LOUSY-LOSER-COWARDS! I bet their plan for this match was to pretend real hurt on every fucking minute so as to gain as much penalties as they could.My god.

For your information, they didnt win the game due to their fantastic kicks,but due to desperation. Fuck u all italians.

Hungry and Cold

2006-07-07T06:19:00.000-07:00

The whole thing comes with so many known consequences which in a case, I perpetually felt into.It's nothing incompared on how you feel about the inside,but what matters most was the exterior.Every angle does make a huge diference.It's like "Roll of thunder hear my cry"ever heard?My whole perspection on the interior of life is lacking its paucity of distressing.Even the mouse can't handle its tail.Ugh

Corpsing like a mad ancient mildstone,the girl finally found a way to emotionally wrench ebrything out.Drops of cells finally slipped through her tightly clenched fingers,and when that happens she allow herself to drop langour-ly onto the plushy cushions.Knowing how upset she was,she wished she was transmorgrified into into a pillar of salt as she flees the inferno.Bearing that she can't express her face -- pinched, vengeful, and mean -- which she meant to assign to a choleric temperament or a display of tactical emotion on the part of a clever bully,she went around dragging her feet then crouched for mercy.

So there in the cold night,she whimpered alone.

MSN is a big bore.Like seriously,i blocked 5 contacts cause i think they're another huge boring,irritating and ridiculous people.

P.S: Soooo looking forward for the french to conquer the world cup, Italy's a battling team so it means a good fight is just about to get started.

8.58 P.M

2006-06-29T06:01:00.000-07:00

''For in its innermost depths youth is lonelier than old age." I read this in some book and I've always remembered it, and found it to be true. Is it true that grownups have more difficult time here than we do? No. I know it isn't. Older people have formed their opinions and don't waver before they act. It's twice as hard for us young ones to hold our ground, and maintain our opinions, in a time when people are showing their worst sides, and do not know whether to believe in truth and right and God.

Anyone who claims that the older ones have a more difficult time here certainly does not realize to what extent our problems weigh down on us, problems for which we think we've found a solution, but the solution seem able to resist the facts which reduce it to nothing again. That is difficulty in these times; ideals, dreams and cherished hope rise within us only to meet the horrible truth and shattered.

I have strong senses which ables me to know the truth untold. I found my choler rising.

Emotic hunk

2006-06-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

Arggh! How faster can he melt me,he's fuggin hot baby!Emo boy. I know there's no way I could get through him cause his on the other side of the earth, but who says sheer admiration is something I shouldn't desire.

Buttnut

2006-06-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

I was browsing my brother's documents when I chanced on this file,feeling my fingers itchy,i got hold on this picture.Look

Hehe,how bitchier can i get.Their faces werent shown,and if,i wont show exactly.heh.I was killing boredom when i stumbled on this picture.yikes,i thought.I thought it was really disgusting.I mean its like,to have your butt rubbed against someone's dick.Bluegh!
Ouh and dont you dare think thats my brother on the picture,cause that's not not him.He's just the photographer.The guy's face was'nt shot maybe because his face was showing that he was all steamy and all.Those are his LaSelle Friends.Ugh.Anyways,this picture recently taken at MOS.And no,he didnt went to the underage party.He's legal anyway.Duh.

Even if i hit the club,i would'nt want to grind on some fat asshole's dick.

2006-06-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

It effects alot when people call you names espicially when they think it wont hurt you much.I should not have been to grams place yesterday it was horrible.The people have had mouths opened so...err..nevermind.Let me just briefly tell you readers what happened.

At grandma's place,where all the cousins were there.We were having a illegal gathering.When......

THE CHARACTERS:

Man A
Man B
Woman A
Woman B
Woman C
Woman D
Girl A
Boy A
Boy B(the sickly irrirating monster)
Act 1
In the kitchen fetching some drinks;coke.

Man B:Eh you so fat already! what's your waist size?30?(giggles)
Me:No
Man B:29?
Me:No.Rolls eyes bitchily.
Man B:THEN WHAT 28??
Me:No!
Man B:27??
I had to walk off,because I dont think i should be listening nor answering him.

Act 2
In the room,sitting on the bed while fiddling with my handphone.

Woman A:You put on weight ar.Wah,fat sia.That time saw you still very slim.Now! aiyoh(laughs enjoyably)
Me: Ya i know.trying to surface a not obvious hurt me,i delibrately laughed too.
Me: Ha......Ha.....Ha.....
In my mind:You sick scumbag.

Act 3
Back to the kitchen,my thrist was increasing so I was pouring some drinks when..

Me: Hey what are you eating?hungry ar?
Man A: Ya lah hungry lah,haiyah.
Me: Slurps syiok-ly
Man A: what happened to you ar? Why so fat already?
Me:huh?really ar?ha....ha....(i had to do a fake one)
Man A:hahaha,fat ar you..hahahahha.
Me:You mother fuck,i should not have start the conversation.

Act 4
I need to run away from the guys,so i opt to sit with the ladies,thinking they would might have a softer heart with a more understanding mind.But

Woman B: eh ayu,you fat already ar?whut you eat?
Woman C:everyday meat ar?chicken?nevr eat vegetables right?
Already shrinking Me:i do eat vegetables,they're like my favourites.
Woman C:But why fat?should be like your sister,see..so small and slim.
Woman D:Ya,i agree.seriously
Woman C:I dont think you eat vegetables,sure everyday eat chicken and tidbits right?
Woman B: No wonder the body like that.
Woman B: Y,thats why.
Woman D: musn't eat chicken everyday know,later you will ve very fat.Its unhealthy too.
Boy A and B:MOK!heheh.see the arms,bigger then mine..hehe!Mok!

Me:Fuck you all lah!!!!!!!I dont eat chicken everyday okay! and i do consume 2 servings of vegetbales and fruits everyday!!!!And I don look at my servings!!

Yes yes if only i could say all those above,but it was only a little thought i had in my mind.

One more word,and im turning to bullimic.I swear.I fucking swear.

sofie nevu is the extreme

2006-05-30T23:04:00.000-07:00

I went to catch Davinci Code yesterday together with my cute sister,and the show was superbly awesome.Can't it get any better.And in the show,chanced Sofie Nevu,the extrememly hot and sexy French lady.It's no wonder how tom hanks could gaze favourably at her. On top of that,the language she used;French was too pompous somehow boys slaver aimlessly wetting shirts.haha

I was suppose to get to the movies to watch a show with hakim and gg today,but somehow or rather,mum settled her plans already and intend to have me accompany her.okay okay i'll accompany you.Sorry kim,sorry gg.:( But taik u can still save the other free ticket for kelly poon.nyeheheh!

Oopps,i almost forgot,i owe hazeeq a testi.Really need to write him one,or he wont stop crawling and beating my head with a coca cola bottle.

Got to run!!!!!!!!*shouts*

happy birthday to me

2006-05-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

ye yes yes! today is my birthday,but why must it crash on sunday?And due to that,i cant get live birthday songs and wishes..nyeh.Boring..but well at least,my friends and family still has the ordacity to text,call and spout their wishes and blessing,and for that i feel enternally greatful.I feel like a star!

its been ages since i entered Friendster,only just now i get to furnish it a little.not much really.I'm literally handing my account over to my brother,becasue he need it in search of hot babes,something he dwells on for these 3 months long holiday.Does viewing pretty girls a time killer for boys?Maybe i should do a survey

I cannot stand anymore paper.And why does it have to be malay out of all? I suck in malay.Its fine,if i have such daedal techniques like zai or atiqah.Perfect malay,perfect answers,perfect results.Fantastic isnt it?And whutsmore is that,they need not crack and melt their brains out for making sentences.I can visualise my results;1/9 or 3/9.tsk tski..*weeps*.Im a little dumb,if you guys are wondering.Now,allow me to bow my head down due to embarrassments of laughters.*SOBS*

my space seems a little cooler then friendster.Everyones having it now,and they're making more freinds then i do.No no,no my space doesnt means anti-socializing.Only dumbnuts think that way.I'm considering it,but probably not now,due to some laziness I secure in myself.Friendster is another boring window,I viewed some people's profile,and they have a turgid of pictures of themselves.Whats worst,every picture has the same pose.So whenever I clicked onto the next,it produces an emoticon-look-alike or a cartoon-picture-flipover.Yuck Yuck and Yuckks.Get a grip!

Currently alone at home,the books are waiting for me downstairs.Queens made my day.YEAY!haha.

Laterr bolongs

pikim boy boy

2006-05-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

i promised kim to draw a cartoon of him the other day.so here it is.i quickly did this after viewing mine in his blog
See!!..vengeance taste better whne served cold noe taik..ahahahah!!how?You love it?i bet u do.if u're wondering whats those black markings on your collar?well those are the torn material you bit off.dont you just love me more PIG-KIM? hahahha!at the edge loser!

the acts of circus

2006-05-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

Boston Legal tasted as good as buttermilk sweets.The shows are refulgent,and i cant wait to dip in to their next episode.It's 12.32 now and I am on the computer blogging.And in the next 7 1/2 hours,i will be sitting in the hall on the 5th row form the left doing my history paper and F&N on the afternoon.Thank god i dont have trouble in the combination subject.

Lets just say,I had been studying the whole day.Only now,after a good shower I was able to grope on the tv.History,*sighs* an odium is what i bore with it now.

I'll catch up on blogging and you people more later,probably after these monstrous mid year exams gets me out of of this durance vile.

pizza

2006-05-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

initially, assembly was incresingly awesome,but as the minute beats down,i felt into my own slumberness and was caressed with a very gory dream.Someone giving birth.

I want to push that dream aside first.I am updating my blog only because jefferey's face is still on the display of everyone's screen and he want noone to go noticable about it.That is why i had to miserably update,although only a quarter of ideas is filled up in my mind.

So last saturday,me and my classmates gather around at sembawang park for claudia's little birthday celebration,not thinking to be selfish or worthless,we splurged the plan and claudia was berry berry happy.hehe(although,we had to wait 3 salutary hours for 3 very kind striplings!ugh,so much so,we wasted 3 supposed to be jovial hours waiting,swearing them.

However,the day pulled into the depths of soulness and purity when LDO performed their first impending gig.4 out of 10 was what proffesionals say,but im giving them a 6 for strong courage and hardwork.We then brought the day off to lau pa sat for satay and later,cuddled ourselves for star gazing,although there was only one,a blinking one.Some remained in their own silence while i lay and muffled out the incenssant shrill dampened by the day's cold swirling wind.Soon,my heart turned as heavy as the clinging wind.

Bob>a 15 year old,but onluy started playing the drums 6 months ago.Now,everyone thinks he's a proffesional already.
Danny boy>as known as the live walking stick,strums aggressively with girls melting aimlessly .(he looked like a sick bear strugling for air)
Khairil>or should or must say,the girls- come- first- man.was gentle on stage,not so much of an attention seeker.
wan>I dont know what is he coming to,espiacilly when it comes to specific girls.made a huge shout out as strong veins potrude out of his neck when he sung,he did looked much handsome.
hakim/ying jin>blast his les paul,showing off to girls.although he kind off when unnoticable.oops.BUT!his daedal guitar techniques can make girls turn spoony though.

Im off the hook,waiting for my delivered pizza to come.good night people.Have fun with sex.

2006-04-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

I laughed everytime i looked at this picture.Just look at jeff's face! i bet you're laughing now.Muke sundal sey.Look at the layer of fat under his jawline. Its overlapping his collar and those pair of irritating chinese sepet eyes which made an expression of "Ouh,come have sex with me,I'm feeling horny now...."Eeeee.Jeff jeff,you and your unscrudalous stupid lame antics.You make me laugh everyday.Closing my eyes to sleep last night,suddenly that stupidly horny mentel face came appearing in my mind.Then I was totally distracted,and the next second I was laughing alone in the dark.HAHAHAAHAHAHHAH!!. LOL! :D

2006-04-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

The atmosphere was tense as a drawn string,pulled tighter and tighter each minute.The struggle lasted for 1 hour 20minutes.I quickly make my way through the the shadowy light and then surface with 3 glitzy dishes on my hand.

Ouh well,i had my O level practical coursework just now in which i think i am very proud off.HEHE.The undescriable hardwork and rushing time made me the cast of rush our 3.heheh.Me and the rest then flopped to Mat's house for a while as Ain was to lazy to go to bad's place for cake-practice,so they shift the plan over to Mat's house and things got hectic.
Here are the 'glitzy' pictures of us and my 3 dishes.

there were alot more.Much more.I'm really exhausted already.

2006-04-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

A thundereous avenue scoured the lines of the heating track in no time as 5A2's 4 by 1 girls grope the first position and the boys third.I am going to bringyou down the pictures which are emblazoned with joy,laughter and melting lunatics of 5A2 CAMARADERIE!

2006-04-15T08:35:00.001-07:00

i have a brother WHO'S A TOTAL BITCH!he Has a head OF a stray-dog,with the smell of fetor!
Suck on blood maniac.hope you POP DEAD BY A pernicious mental disorder.this time,its not like any other fight.Snatching over the remote control or something.I nearly lose my HEAD.

why cant he just get the fuck out?

spoilt dinner

2006-04-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

Boys dont seemed to quit that quickly,in another words they're rather very persistent.I bet all boys are the same.Girls,they will flick a little attitude to brush them off.(some of them)

Ouh well,town is a bored bore,unless you have some fashion catch up to cover together with lots of money.I hanked on town for a moment,just to see how well town has changed.It felt like ages ever since I been there.So anyway,me and gg shifted to Lau Pa Sat for satay and honey chicken for we feel like the cravings are emerging through our skins already.Just to let you know,there are a group of mats with unflattering visage working down there.And stupidly we got trap into their web.Shuts.

3 of them were so interested to gg,that subsequently they ordered a bellweather which was their friend to come sit with us and had a little chat.This guy his name is Fairuz.But i will be more preferable to call him Fairuz the beast.Cause he looked like one.He was gayly bragging about the theories of ill-mannered girls whom run away from him because he dosen't have parents.I wasn't even asking skunk.He was so indulged into the chat that he didn't realised he was actually enjoying himself.Nut cow.I was staring deep into his eyes which shows emmity cause I intially indirectly wanted him to get off the the chair and live us alone."awak ni melayu ke orang putih?asal awak macam sombong-sombong garang gitu?"Eeeee,geez,at that brief moment i felt like poking the satay stick right into his eyes.Kpo cb.I cant even eat in peace.i told him i was a mixed,and then he asked again.why all the mixed blood people he came acroos are all very sarcastic.well dont blame me cow,isnt that in our blood? as i put up a fake scottich ascent,when he asked whether my dad is a german or french.I told him Scottish.And OMG! he stupidly believed me!hahahahha!..i was close to tears of laughter,but i force myself to hold on to it.Bengap bengap.

For your f.y.i,out of all the guys i knew he was the worst guy with the worst pick up line who's interested in me.

Consequently, he was telling me how sweet i am when i smile,how pretty i look(i know thank you)although my dressing was very relax.In which he wanted my number,but i failed to give.My ass was getting really hot and irritated enough.We then left the area and he got back with the other claque.

2006-04-11T03:05:00.000-07:00

The credit cards in place of distress.Go live your life on the Internet.That's what it is.Conspiracies and mysteries.Science-fiction make-believe.My kind of misery.

People are running,a drunkard on the side of the road.

Fantasies or reality?

Analysis or theories?

What does it matter,really.

all these car crashes.

photoshooto

2006-04-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

here are different photos of the Sunday photoshoot. Have fun drooling.yucks!
suker syuh ketawe.suker?!(my impersonations of siti)haha!

2006-04-03T01:09:00.000-07:00

I was feeling compact,composed and alacrity for the first time in this year on monday,i wasnt late,which i usually do,my hair hair was pushed back to a ponytail neat and tight leaving only my fringe to add a little tinge of bittersweetness to my striking appearance,thanks to sharp features and chin you could cut diamonds on.But as soon as i reached school,the kids in my class were making me sail back to dreadness and pure boredom.In another words,they were fucked up.Duh,obviously i cant possibly titivate them out of their wounding ground and make them jump on their feet and sing along with me right? So there i was standing straight,eyes turning rebicund and anger pacing its speed very quickly,drowning me to my deathbed.Poor ayu..tsk tsk tsk : (

What's worst,Social Studies were'nt a cure either.So much for stapling a striking green notepaper over my pocket saying "I LOVE SOCIAL STUDIES"And what do i get? Nothing.So here's what really happened,one by one each group has to do their own explanatory on their various chapters.For my group,i was the representative,as usual.duh..(but i dont mind,i love being in the front of all hot seats)..I know social studies is all boring and Mr trevor's teaching methods and lame jokes were'nt a huge help either,so some of the students got entirely bored that they lay their heads lazily on the table..I dont mind at all know,cause I just wanna get the teaching done and over..Come to viknesh,he was bragging and dragging like an old wrinkled man,whom just got fired and the last pay wasn't high..Okay i understand up to this state,so what's wrong with whispering,it did help from dozing off and suddenly "can you SHUT UP,just shut up,i know im a student here,but for now im incharge" raging viknesh to poor raj..And everyone was like what the fuck?..sitting,watching him closely,i silently thought,dude ur not the king of us,so what if ur in charge,there's no need to squeeze a smelly-stinking stale cream out of your ass.we dont need to smell nor taste it..See you're just the Mr Know All!..temperemental pretentious scumbag!

Ouhkay much toned down now..Fuh!...glad its my gayboy brother's birthday today.He may sometimes be a total bitch,but i still love him...awwww...you owe me a pair of shoes if you're reading this.nyeh! So here's a short birthday wish from your only irritating yet cute little sister to you! HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY ABANG!..hope you remain annoying,bitchy and black always..haha!(><)

WHY DO I HAVE TO EAT YESTERDAY'S FOOD? SO NYEH!..nemind i'll wait for the cake.hurhur. <---yesterday's sotong hitam..me not eating.

2006-04-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

i was dreaming gayly,as in visualising what is it going to be when i turn 18.As any normal other girls dream,i would be more than glad to have my own car or maybe my dad's to just roll around the nights district toether with my girls.That makes us girls way cooler then the boys who can go home way midnight..tsk tsk..And my mum slipping the curfew hours to 3 or 4 in the morning.My dad's cool with it,only my mummy,she'll be like"kau tak tau nk balek?hari kan dah gelap,kau perempuan tau?" what does 'perempuan' means to me anyway?all girls could think off is party and have fun.DUH..like you dunno like that(with e malay ascent in it)eeww...but i bet i'm ready to knock off when the mouse clock struck 1.heh.and i'll be dragging myself home,not considering driving.

Ouh well,my barbies knocked my dreamy-feely-dream away off the edge.my barbies were like bugging for a photoshoot,so these were the outcome after 3 long dreadful hours photoshooting my mentel barbies.nah.(- <)

There were more,but the download picture thingy suddenly turn crappy and super slow and my patience were running really low.so before i blow up,i decide not to post the rest of the photos,which were the better ones..nyeh.sundal betol.I miss hakim's house,and only just now,then i could finally breathe the air of the Lee's home..So refreshing.Luckily i go kims house,or not i'll have no choice but to gobble hastily the sotong my mum cooked..eeee

2006-03-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

The 1 week holiday is insalutary. My week routine was fluttering off bed at 12 or perhaps 1,ugly I know but whatever,help mummy with the household chores, scholl assignments and scour an impending cartoon.tsk..

ouh well.thank god i have my family plus 3 really sweet and pretty bitches to some form,prompt the concience and make pants-wet jokes as a huge entertainment,while having more jollifiction in mind. if you readers are thinking what are we or what we blast out of out mouths? Stop,dont think further,we're just basically suffering from logorrhea,someone who does excessive talking.phug..

I had a superb day with my family too,as we luff our ass off during dinner,which kind off surface a tiny winny of embarressment.hehe.Here are some of the many pictures,deyre a little mixed up,so do make a smart figuration. s.
i didnt know chijmes has tok pekongs,maybe its half christian,half budhist.issit?

a little kpo we were,just snap lah.part time reporter..heh

fin.

hols

2006-03-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

LETS ROT AT HOME.GET TOTALLY DECOMPOSED BY HOMEWORKS,HOUSEHOLD CHORES,TV,COMPUTER,CAM-WHORING AND MORE....-_-

computer

2006-02-17T06:03:00.000-08:00

I rarely update my blog because my computer's an ass and the internet is an idiot.I cant go internet everyday.I cant update my blog everyday(i despise exposing to much of minds flesh).I'm too uptight to use the computer because the school's workload is an encumbrance.And when i look at the computer,i feel totally malaise.

As im blogging,Mum and Dad is watching this pathetic malay concert show,and by the familiar voice,i can tell its dayang nurfaizah.Her voice is so sickening that it sounds like a melange of cat screaming for desperate mate and...perhaps the school bell.It is so vociferous until the neighbours complained.Okay a little exaggerating.

School had not been a blast.Mad dog viknesh made me fell down and my knee got run heatly by the drains.Fucker him,now i'll have to mend and endure to another wound when i just got cured from recent one.I'll pray he got bit off by a dog on his black ass tonight.And because of him i'll have to hang my leg against the metal pipe so it wont get wet.if it does,i bet i'll be screaming mercilessly in the shower just now and poor mum will have to knock down the heavy barouque door puissantly till her palms rebicund.tsk tsk tsk.

English lesson with Mrs Azwizah has been great.The good thing when it comes to her class is that,the way she teaches is not boring and sleepy compared to mr sim's.Rather,she disseminated around her what seemed an involuntary aura of beneficiance and goodwill.We get to class to trammel for an improvement,unlike someone.That too much of self-deprecation and hauteur were too typical to that someone's "earthy" style.Dont ever try to be the Mr Know-all or Miss Know-all cause you're not making nugatory fame.

Tons of assignments are left hanging and i hate doing them last minute.I have to run.Laterr know-all.

barbies

2006-01-25T22:50:00.000-08:00

SEEN MY BARBIES??hoho.Barbies make my day.always.It has rather been a hobby to spend passionate time with them for hours.They are inrecondite,so whenever you speak from the root,they relate to the ineffable,see the invisible,understand the incomprehensible.=D *barbie gleening* See what i mean.Love them.;)

slumber shower

2006-01-14T01:28:00.000-08:00

When all people are daintily stepping on waxed polished marble floors of ground shopping malls,here i am figuring out how to sweep it away.

I lean back,full of contentment,and am idly looking around every corner of my boxy room when an oddly familiar figure interrupts.I peer harder,as though the figure is there,and my skin starts to prickle in horror.I must be hallucinating,but the figure looked exactly like-

My cellphone beeped and my attention snaps back on set.I'm in a mess...and I..I dont know what to do and gave a shaky sigh.All the things i desperately not to think back are being thrust back in my mind. Desperately i thrust them back out again.

For an instant I feel like crying.Why ask me?But I can't crumble,I have to do this.I have to be strong.Bloody hell.Summoning all my strength,I allow myself to cry sympathetically.I swallow hard,trying to keep my voice sound steady.And suddenly they're all gone.And I'm left alone on the side table,exposed and vulnerable.All that is left is me,shrinking and frantically trying to avoid her eye.

My whole terrible,disorganized life.It's all there,isn't it?Waiting for me.like a great big spider.Just waiting to pounce on me as soon as this advice-thing goes off.Everything that i have been burrying are now worming their way out to life back again.I cant wriggle anymore.Suddenly I feel almost too guilty,I want to be good.I want to get my life in shape.But fucking how?

put me into consideration please

2006-01-12T23:11:00.000-08:00

I am taking this minor half and hour to flick out all that has been interrupting me;be it everything.

I AM SINKING SO BADLY that it became a potrait drewn on my face,where everyone can notice.They know im smothered in so much despair,its in my body language.I sense dubiety in them,in what they find about me whenever operation is in process.Dont conflate the present and past with the use of ingeniuos flashbacks,making me marshal my thoughts so deeply I could not barely cry.Dont doubt me as if im conspicously and reprehensibly bad.I have my senses,I have emotions flowing out.I dont want to be the center of a notable contretemps whom spill hallucinating sacrifices.So distressing.

I was wolfing down some hot chicken soup when a lady in singpore's post uniform walked pass summoning "eh girl.dont think too much when you're eating know."I am actually,thinking through the series of every minute i went through today.What sounds are these that sting as they caress, that irrupt into my soul and twine about my heart?

2006-01-06T00:31:00.000-08:00

Between the time of my first memory . . . and my second and third memories, I remember nothing. The lacunae of these years I've been able to fill sketchily from the entries in my baby book, which notes such incidents as my first smile.

What is it that you're paucity of?

I sensed that its time to step back,take stock,and try to entangle and think through a series of events,a great many which i have undergone with impassioned abandon and having you blindfolded;you dont see,because you never think.Your stupid and ugly enthusiasm made you display a factitious self.When you have made up your little mind,all the kings horses and all the kingsmen could not change that little pertinacious mind.It makes well-known witnesses pounder if you're faced with a Hobson's choice:Make the plunge ...or face a terrifying alternative-gradual extinction.Quickly boost to the brain mirror,and plunge yourself into the make-beings-feel enmasse pool.Without any significant fourthought,you can slip through anyone speechlessly and keep them burning for justice.

I'm feeling the tug growing stronger and stronger.You're so close that I can see you crying,and this isnt very clear because I'm flickering out all the nonchalance,which seems to be a pool of dripping tears.I feel the hook coming free,drawing out the silence that has swelled in my belly for 2 weeks now,and the moment I reach your embrace it burst from my lips in a frosty rusty trebled joy.'...........................................................!'I was shouting so loud that it drowns out everything but the drum of your heart beneath your ear.I heft you in my arms,smiling like a fool.I bury my face in your sweet neck,matching my memory with what is real.

Of course if all I pened down could be transform to reality,I mean it might but the overpowering satan is too intruding.Overcomed my anger and desperate vengeance,I ignite a soundless battle that may cause my focus to slip through.

Our virtues are most frequently but vices disguised.

first day

2006-01-03T00:16:00.000-08:00

Thank you gg for the beautiful and simple skin.Me love it a lot.Something cleaner and uncomplicative.I owe you one honey.

First day of school wasnt quite a blast.I still get to meet my old friends,but the feeling was slightly different this time.

I had to slam kim's head with my powerpuff girl file early in the morning,cause I feel his hair looked more like a porcupine with a bursting head.haha!..aww dont be offended kim.Other then that,the class got so much smaller that it seemed to look like a surrendered little line army of ants.Not so fascinating.Bad brought along her new straw volcom bag to school in which i think it fits perfectly on her.10 points for siti badiah!hooray!As for syuh,she didnt turned up today,she was sick.Having a cold or something.Probable reason;she miss the KL matrips.nyahhahahahah!!

Besides all those,I got settled into place when mrs goh came over and questioned "eh,how come you get fairer huh?What cream you use?wah...so fair huh" Thank you mrs goh on your pleseant complement.I dont i use any cream for the past months just cleansing and an extra one after my makeup.See,i dont want any pimples just clean face.No need for whitening cream,i think its rather useless.No offence to those who're reading and uses somekind of whitening lotion.Seriously,if you already have a pretty face,no need for heavy chemical touch ups.Take my advice,just drink lots and lots of water,eat healthily,exercise regularly and you'll be on your way to great image.And for those who already have a pretty face,keep on maintaning.Trust me.You ,would'nt wanna lose on that.

Some new orders are set.They customised an SMB socks,eeeww,thank god only the sec 1s are to wear them.nyenyenyenye!..What else is,each secondary levels are not according to place.Which means,they're evreywhere.All jumbled up.Thank god,us sec 5s remian in the fourth level.Peace and stress.hah.

I'm walking alone.No more morning phone calls.

Cao!Ewww.Laterr

christmas?

2005-12-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas? well yeah,it is really christmas.

When i think about Christmas,i think of how the world has changed and how fast time past.Just like a click.When i think of christmas,i put my other mind and imagine myself in the next room where people celebrate.The drinks,the turkey,the ham,presents and all.Just the dinner,makes me wanna be there.Its enchanting to see how people communicate.And to see the downlights land gently and calmingly,it adds to the atmosphere though there's no snow clumping the roads.

If i were to celebrate christmas,a doll house present would be terrific.That would enough be to make me glee.

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,never let it fade away.Goodnight

2005-12-24T09:04:00.000-08:00

As it turns out,you can function while your heart is being torn to shreds.Blood pumps,breath flows,neurons fire.What goes missing is the effect; a curious flatness to voice and actions that,if noted,speak of a whole so deep inside there's no visible end to it.I stared at the woman who yesterday was my mother and sees a stranger in her place.I listened to her unpleasant comments and wonders when she took up this foreign language,this toungue that makes no sense.

I can't help it with the conflicts.

Of course,it is what any parent would want to do to the devil who taught a child.But 99.9 percent of those parents dont act on it.

I feel fire pooling like an acid in the muscles of my shoulders.I'm furious and stunned and maybe a little bit awed.I have traveled every inch of this woman,I understand what makes her cry and what brings her to rapture;i recognizes every cut of her body;but i dont know her at all.

I may have been accused,but I was never convicted.Ironically, someone have turned me into a victim.

A mortal sin.

2005-12-21T07:51:00.001-08:00

For the next couple of weeks,nothing can pierce my happy glow.I pretend nonchalant.Within this glow,sand is fading it away.Its torturingly hellish,but still i pretend nothing happened.The chagrin which is causing to inure the eye-is the 'it' i don't want to see.I imagined faithfully everyone would be given the step to the next level.It wasnt easy,you need nauseting months of focus and pressure voluptuary.

Exactly around 2 plus on Monday,nothing i imagined seemed to come true.A lie instead.I made it.But my best friend didnt.Not only her,some others lives in the same situation.I didnt questioned.Seeing the lackadaisical emotion,i already achieved the answer.In the laconic language of the result slip,there was "no visble sign of life".

"I told Ayu that I'm on a bad luck streak.Because things are not working out for me."Gg says.I told gg that ITE is not the end of life.People may think ITE stands for Its The End. And i believe such strong being liek her will dissiminated around her what seemed and aura of beneficiance and goodwill.Although there's no each presence,our heart make the significance.

The picture above is one of the leftovers.

psycho

2005-12-12T21:22:00.000-08:00

how far can a psycho go.tell me?they're up to nowhere if they are thinking of running after me.eeee.seriously,i have nothing to lose if i dont have you as my friend nor a boyfriend,i couldnt care less.You press and hesitate more,do i even bother?Fuck.You see people,psychos live in their own world and they insist greatly for us to be there with them as a long-good-forever companion.Yea,i'll be nice during the start,but if i feel your weight is pulling me down to much.then i must say be ready to get axed torturlly.

relationships

2005-12-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

There is a natural progression or,more accurately,regression in any relationship.You felt a huge crush sinking deep into you mind,soul and maybe heart.You felt it to someone and everything about them is wonderful,miraculous,enchanting.You love the way he is with his family,the way he listens to you.The way she tilts her head is so graceful,and you love her mischievousness.You are endlessly fascinated and enthralled with her every movement,every touch.And you express the thrill of it all.You tell your new love how sensitive and special he is.You tell your parents or friends that she is the most warm and giving woman you've ever met.

You know how nauseatingly people go on when they're first in love.Family and friends put up with it because they know it will pass.And sure enough it does.And then something happens,or an imperfection peeks through.She's always late,or he watches too much television.In a way,even this stage feels good at first- as if having a problem to work out is a signal that this is a relationship to take seriously.When your friends ask you how things are going you can say,"Great,but we have a few issues we need to work on."

Everything is as it should be,except for this "one thing".This is where we decide that what it's going to take to make everything perfect again is work.This is also where appreciation begins to take a backseat to our efforts to make everything fit our ideas of how we think it should be.And more often than not,this is the beginning of the end of a great relationship.

You dont have to do anything about the good things because "if it ain't broke,dont fix it,"right?So you devote lots of attention to this problem-thing.You discuss it with each other,you read books about it,and you seek advice from friends.Meanwhile,less and less of your attention goes to those great qualities you fell head-over-heels in love with,the reasons you got seriously together in the first place.There seems to be an unspoken agreement that you dont need to pay attention to "how genorous she is" or "how sensitive he is."Those qualities are fine; they dont need any correction or improvement.

Eventually,we are only paying attention to the problems.And since problems get the focus,problems are all we see and experience.The nonproblematic things we used to dote on,the things that enamored us,fade far into the background from lack of attention.

This is how we take a fulfilling,nurturing,exciting relationship and kill it.Almost everyone does it,too.Proof of point; How many lively and passionate longtime relationship do you know of?

not tired

2005-11-18T07:17:00.000-08:00

10 hours of work was supposedly to be exhausting,but somehow for the first time,i dont.it gets on more fun in the end of it.

i escaped from the rubbish man.i simply ordered someone else to do it,im sure you know why.i dont wish to imagine nasty things of a disgusted image.i need to run away from the rubbish man so as to have a smooth operated job piece.though its managable to escape but disgusting image would just somehow appear out of nowhere,you know,like err,wttvr.he is such a FREAK!!.you seriously would wanna immolate this physco.And i dont know how kim can complement him as a nice guy.Bluek!

Things went quite my expected way just now,then seague to a fantastic closure.

fucker

2005-11-16T05:14:00.000-08:00

i didnt had the time to publish a new post for the past few weeks.sorry for that.

i hate working.they suck big time.Humongously big!Yea,you are all pumped up for a job in the first place.but when you got it,it place a big mark of regret.the standing,the super controlling system,the super short breaks and the people-super fucked up-they boss you around like noone's effin buisness.

i hate the environment,its littered with stinking nyonyas and apeks who dont know how to speak basic english plus they dont appreciate kindness.majority of the customers came from the phillipines,india(the most fickeled and choosy people),china(they make up the majority),malaysia,indonesia(the country which manufactures the most ugly and stoopidiest maid) and eurasions-they're from everywhere.

working at the shop is now my biggest enemy.And this physcotic piece of shit,he's actually a rubbish man.He looked like a rapist cum ex-crime convict..He came from sarawak-idiotic malaysians.so this was what happened.
I was busy packing the clips,when he came for garbage collection,i didnt want to be the one passing the rubbish to him so i asked for the other malay makcik to do it.There i went shouting,"cik,sampah,cik pergi ah,geli ar".The word geli must have really offended him,who cares.I dont give a damn you see.Fortunately,he heard me saying geli."Eh!Kalau tak nak buang sampah,jangan buang ar!"Him,rolling off with the most ill sinful grimace image.Eeeww.of course i kept quiet,cause i dont want to produce a dirty image of the shop.But if it wasnt for the shop,i would definitely hit back.Lousy bugger.And f.y.i he doesnt speak english.Stoopid cow.

im pressing my hand now,its red for i beated someone not to long ago.

escape to helloween

2005-10-30T02:13:00.000-08:00

i know most people spend their saturdays at town or a date somewhere.but it was helloween yesterday.and you shouldnt be at town or wherever u were yesterday.Escape to hell'oween.

my best friends and i gathered ourselves to pasir ris.all in need to celebrate helloween.i know asians would sound a little crap by celebrating it.but what the hell,it was the effin first time i celebrate helloween.hell it was cool and awesome.Noone has the law of prohibiting me from screaming.as i blog,my throat is sore.

my muscles wobbled after all the penetrating grabbing,nauseating rides(i thought i would die) and painful body weight pressing.there was this indoor dark roller coaster,i dont know what's the name.before riding in,i was actually staring at the deadly tracks,imagining if something bad would happen to me."what if i lose grip?".for a brief moment,i know if it happens,my death will be a gruesome one.okay enough about that.lets carry on.

we entered the so called "haunted mansion" in which we wasted like half and hour queing.and when we got in,we are ordered to listen to some skeleton in suit's instructions.and what came crawling behind me was this stoopid bloody buggar with a hood and mask costume like the one from "I know what you did last summer".he came sprawling on me,i screamed and bloody hell,i fall rolling on the ground.my fall made him stop and he was like "eh dek dek jatuh jatuh".dammit he's a malay guy.mat as always.

as im blogging,i still can recall the throbbing headache and fast hearbeats almost like a thump.i was afraid if i would have some stoopid nightmare.Pulling the blankets over my head i read some holy prayers to shield myself from greeny satans.

*I will produce the pictures later*

hari raya

2005-10-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

Anticipation tingles on my skin.Just the imaginary sight of it is overwhelming me.

My countdown starts now.

me nad mummy

2005-10-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday,me and mummy when down to arab street in search of my baju.there were'nt much choices.So i left the place empty handed and to tanjong katong in which....

I know im not a fan of the recent Anugerah singing competition.And dont be amazed,i came to know the finalist's names only during the grand finale.Stoopid am i.but what the hell.

me and mummy were walking down the aisle towards golden landmark,in which i coincidently met taufik(or taufiq,wttvr)and khairul anwar .To my own perspect,they looked more like mats on tv,but they were kind of cute in fact.Nemind bt tt.Both plaster smiles at me,and i can feel my face spread with a little grin.Heheh.

we both broke fast at my only grandma's place.i have to admit,its been a while since i met up with her due to the far distant horizon we both live.As i lie down on her thin bony lap and feel her stroke strands of my hair,a flicker of memories came swimming in.I remembered my childhood days staying there,because both mummy and dad need to work to cover our daily expenses.Financial were tight back then,very tight.I flipped a little,and realized that i compulsorily need to repay her everything.Me and grandma hold a very tight bonding.Up till now,i still very much loved her.

run

2005-10-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

I clasped my hand.Tight enough to feel the blood oozing.Nostalgic swims in.Unbearable

im not starting work tomorrow,well actually it was supposed to be today,but somehow or rather,its was posponed till after the big raya celebration.i felt acerbic prickling in.my head was light.its fruitless running away.it will only compound to my own negligence

how can i forgo the plans?
i produce a litle shudder and dare not move.

the whole day was fucked up.i wrench opened the fridge repeatingly hoping to find for some food or something.I know i dislike pineapple juice,but whatever.i then quaffed down.Seriously,fighting makes your throat dry and choked.

You old sick retarded biatch.

new skin

2005-10-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

i got bored over the previous skin,so i made a decision to browse for a new one with a touch of freshness and purity.

my handphone rang,alerting me out of sleep.I stared at the caller ID,looking back was an unknown number,i made my figurations yet i still cant recall anyone with such number.still in a slumber sleep,i announced a tired hello.Responding was a salesgirl from Charles David,a shop whereby i tried for a job .She said that there wasnt any vacancy left for me ,so i said okay and end the conversation with a soft thank you.i took it lightly as i already found a job,and there should be nothing to worry about.Back in bed,i bury my face in the softness of my pillow,hoping to muffle out the incessant and demanding shrill of the air con.

Wandering from room to room,knowing that boredom was killing me.I sat back in front of the computer hoping to find something unordinary in the net.i got a tongue twister poet,i tried reading them quickly in order to feel the brief excitement.mine wasnt that good,so i copy paste it here if you readers want to try.

MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO MOMMA DEE MOMMA CHOO YO MOMMA MY MOMMA OUR MOMMA ON POPPA.

try harder if u failed.

boredom again and again

2005-10-20T21:06:00.000-07:00

i hate sleeping now.why?because im having so much trouble just to get myself to dreamland.when the rest are sleeping unconciously,there i am,still struggling.it only hurts my sightness more when i force on sleeping.So what i did was,swtich on the side-bed lamps,groped a book out of the battered shelf and read hourly.Loving the words,mallifoulsy written.

atlas,ive found a job.the pay is high despite of its long working hours.5 bucks per hour,how awesome is that.it cossets the 10 hours of standing and far distance to Chinatown.don't be jealous people,it only takes a little patience and a great friend with great lobangs.hah.

Maybe now i can sleep better after the beautiful blandishments.Nyahaha:p

losers

2005-10-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

-Continual Post-

Since this is the only outlet i can transfer all my thoughts into words,i might as well do it now.

"pa,can i work?"

"what for?what more do you wanna buy"

"must i really get the shopping list to you"

"i dont think,any company would want to recruit you,ur still underage"

"HUH?,Pa?Most of my friends are already working,and some arent 16 yet"

"are you sure"

"duh?why would i wanna lie,i dont get the benefit of it"

"not for now lah"

"what?!"

it saddens me to hear any form of disagreement word flushing out of my father's mouth.espicially if it is something really important to me.I badly need money now.the shopping list are mounting,and all i received is a countervail.i cant stand any longer.it pains to sit ,watch and moan all the friends i have,busy with their new and first job.the line of people with a bonding of friendship now are all drifting into their first job aimlessly.nevertheless they fail to grab one.and here i am rotting at home, still abominating with the most pervacious human on earth.

sitting here gazing with studied nonchalence,i received a text from jeff.Fuck,another cancelation about tomorrow's plans.reason why was,mdm zaetun need him to paint her fucking shabby house with cheap genetic colours,maybe.Remembrance paced in my mind,clearly i recalled zaetun asking me and the girls to help out with her house,and im dead sure we are the first ones she asked around.and vuala!look at her now,bossing sincere willing young chads to colour her house.read my blog,and i'll be more then glad to see tears blurring your vision.And after reading,you probably wanna plead down over the fake promises you made,with a concience is mind that,this jobs aren't for girls.fuck it man.you are so bringing our defenses down the walls.i can be driven to your grave.Fetid biatch.

Plunging out all the thoughts,i can gladly fast tomorrow.yeay.it feels so great to be back and get compiled with the rest into one,at least im not left out anymore.I seriously cant see the odium of fasting.In addition,don't they feel a stronghold of guilt bite locked in their hearts for losing a day not fasting unnessecerily.Surfacing it,is the most weakest undramatic excuses.well,if youwere to ask me,''its an act of callowness".

well

2005-10-14T16:51:00.000-07:00

ouh well,sorry fer the delaying update people,yet to find anything to post about.

grocerie shopping dont use to interest me in anyway,i simply dislike the lifting of big size carriers with untouched food dangling inside.most of the time i would peer outof the dark,openmouthed,teeth showing,eyes glitering,helding up to a refractory kid with disagreement.but for just now, i dont really know what urge me to grocerie shopping with mummy.maybe its the minor time i spend with her,to overween the little time, i took the time off from all my upcoming plans and head to ntuc with her,it nascents in my priority now.
Somehow managing to internalize the boredom to face at home will be much comparable to the time i rather spend pinching on soft tomatoes.And whats dispose out of this use-to-be beautiful fruits are the juicy sweet blood spilling out,rolling off their sheer soft luminous orange skin.
the walk in sunplaza with a market trolley dragged behind me seems to be quite commodious,though i use to hate it and would choose to have it pulled by someone else,my sister or something.come to think of it,its not so embarrasing.isnt tt what all girls suppose to chore on.

Walking forward to home,by far i kept my eyes tightly uphold on a mat framed with magnificent turqoise hair color,when he drew nearer,damn it was arif and company.dude i love ur hair color and come to mention u glue well on the colour.haha.

Off for now,mummy needs my help in the kitchen.

toodles

woh

2005-10-10T00:30:00.000-07:00

intentions grew older then ever,clubbing is on the list.like totally,omg whut the hell shall i hit on once i enter.maybe a sneer from undoubtly effontery skimpy girls,hmm wttvr.though N'levels is off,the results arent yet.i did remember the lamest mistakes i made during the paper,but its over and done,pointless bragging.after all,humans are fallible,better thanks me for that siding people.

On this dreadfully boring Monday,i made an attempt to head down and meet up with my two best smelly piglets.indulged in a chat,i began to feel it to be increasingly sere,so i opted home.Home is still the best though u need to tolerate some rodomontade lines.ugh.

okay,now lets move on.my dear cousin bragging and begging for his notes back,so i made an effort to travel there.tagging along with me is two ludic hotties.haha!dude,take tt as a complement noe.and they are mr indies and mr hamson.thanks for the company,mwah2.

Can you tell me how dead beat i am now?i bet you dont.

dont agitate me further.Cause beware,i crash on anything i land on.

goodnight bitches

finally

2005-10-07T11:02:00.002-07:00

Finally the day has arrived.everything had finally ended.true seriously,like omg,the minute i lay my hands off the calculators and pen,smiling was the best thing to do during that brief moment.
Now let us all celebrate!yeay.

plans are on the line.me and the girls we'll be heading town tomorrow.lets break fast at lau pa sat girls!.yoohoo.

i have nothing else to write
nights

effing tired

2005-10-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

ouh my god.i can like drop dead on my feet anytime man.

N'levels suck big time,and i mean,really big,in fact huge.to screw history paper has caused me nearly to tears.i was confidently hoping for germany as the esssay question,instead,it was FUCKING China,Will-Never-Have Peace settlement and FUGLY Stalin and his roue mentality,accept that its a country.i was effing hoping to do weel for history in order to get at least a 5,since i screwed social studies,thereasons are the same.So dont ask.

I HATE HUMANS.

studying with kim and gg was fun.we didn't literally concentrate,but who cares ,its still and after all the best medicine after days of straight study and pernicious exam.

I ABHOR YOU FUCKING PAPERS.

after studying,our stomachs was flashing mood swings.so we headed to the sembawang satay club for a define mee goreng.Fact,the mee was ubber deli-si- os.hmmm..yum yum.though the food are great,but not for the workers.one of them was staring at us from head to toe with a pakcik gatal smile.like soo eew while the other one was apprising an attraction.they were like:

me and bitchy gg were luffing over a horrendous joke about the pakcik gatal;
gg & i:hahahahahahhahahaaahhah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(we dont give a fuck,so we laugh outrageously loud)
mat pakcikss:hahaahahahhaah.....................(impersonating)
me and gg:acting nonchalent,in another way,trying to contretemp them.and we successed!
mat pakcikss:eleh adek ni..bla bla bla.
as they impersonates,the pakcik gatal at the stall were like smiling,and was obviously expecting back a smile-Soo No way!
i took the plate of mee goreng and walk away with a misprize image.take tt cheeky buggers.

bloody fuck

2005-09-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

TENEBROUS

Today was unflavourable,to wake up feeling drowsy and moody,thats enough.what's more is that i have to get down to the kitchen get screamed.dont fuckin shout at me like tt!don't blame for what is happening and to what a person i had become!its partly your fuggin fault.I know im stoopidly dumb so dont rub on more.im not like the rest or like any other kids u want me to be.i've cried enough for the past 5 years.i dont do well partly because of the favourtism u ran in the house!I can remember very vividly the first time i became aware of my existence;how for the first time i realised that i was not a sentinent human being in a perceptibe world.the rictus image plastered on their face for most kids do when their mum pressed them right ot their feet,well i fuckin tried not to,only to respect ur unworthy decision.but sorry,i bottle all of them,no one knows how fucking deep my cut is now though im all hyper and garrulously loud in school.So what if i committed some malfeasance in your native presence,that doesnt mean you should be biased.stop siding yourself and say you love every each of us equally,you can just count me out anytime.i will be greatly honoured!take me to consideration,im fuckin sensitive,i told you,i bruised easily.so be gentle.

to hear that there will be no prom night is an ear piercing.i hate it when someone dont mark their words.the school effin sucks.i'll rot them if i could and i bet they dont have any other words to say.mothafug!

its raining,at least mother nature cares about me.they know when to put the most refulgent show so as to ease me up.i thank you for that.can i bath in the rain?

blogging is the perfect time-killer.friendster is down.so im jus wasting all my time now posting,blog-hopping and luffing at stoopidly-lame blogs.i wanna start now.

its raining its pouring.sha lalalalalala....

lazy

2005-09-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

its so shitty.just to wake up from a deep slumber sleep this morning.i hate the way my body system works.it goes like this,sleeping at 3,i'll be all indolent to wake up and even if slept earlier,i would still have trouble getting up.being unfavourable to grope out of bed is still the wanted victim to my saturnine body.Grrrr

Photo session was great although i appear like a china doll who's forcing a smile.Unconciously,the whole class looked fantastic by far(now that's something to be pleased of.harharhar).not forgetting,he still look hot after many critiques of looking like a girl.can i bite you?

the girls,syuh and bad filed straight out to smelly gg's house,to take some clothing or what.i dunno, while i headed home to fetch my barbies,for a photoshoot with emily's girls.(barbies i mean)
kim has to sit outside because he wants to,after much forcing,we gave up.maybe kim already got himself indulge into a malay typical mother-father stereotype mentality.haha!i miss barbie,so i went over to gg's house and sat along the doorway playing with it.i love the frisson of dressing up and hairstyling their hair.i dont give a fuck about how old i am,and that i shouldnt be playing with barbies right now.i personally believe,that is one narrow minded mentality.fuck to those who think its immature.BARBIES are the envy of every girl.

The month of ramadan is drawing near,and so does N levels.i'm making all the sacrifices now in order not to be devoured completely over bad results.i want satisfaction.the enjoyment and feeling of happiness is not after N(a little maybe),but the pleasent results achieved.Now that's enjoyment!
making hardships now won't hurt.it pays off at the end of the day.

i miss you,u miss me,we are one happy friends.with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.won't you say u miss me too.

laying off

2005-09-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

The weather put on one of its grandest shows on the day of my friend,arwah Shalehin's funeral service.Though i wasnt there to witness the funeral,i personally can envision everything.A radiant sun shone down on them as they entered the family's home,and a gentle breeze swirled the women's skirts.It was as if Mother nature herself insisted that Shalehin leave us in a proper style.The sorrow still remained partly mine,i reminisced in a moving eulogy.

I created a poem,something which took me weeks to deliver it into sheer perfection.

The Forever Friend

On my own, but mostly the savannah,
Where the tumbleweeds fade away and die,
Before the glassy sun burns a summer of crystals,
The glistering waters of the high seasOf which was so far a place as of where vultures roam.
I looked around but you weren't anywhere...
You used to say that you would never die,
But I took the wrong meaning into my heart.
Now the sea is wild with despair,
Deep blue like a prairie of flowers blue,
Where all children of God rest in eternal peace.
I saw you at the end,You and I, brother and sister of nature,Brother and sister of heaven and earth,
Your usually calm and heavenly eyes full of tears,Bitterly falling one after one into a river,
Then the river of life turned red in blood.
My eyes watched in horror.
Slowly and deadly your heart became poisoned,You disappeared without saying good-bye,
Not a word came out of your mouth.
You became like desolation in its grave.
When once the skies were a realm of stars.And the sun shone brightly in summer skies,
You were there to share the calmness;
But now I stand here in midst of the tall grass.
And only the savannah remains

Up to this moment,his name still engraves in my mind with inscription.
We love and miss him,and we know it;this suffices for reason's share.

Love,ayu.

omfg

2005-09-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

By the end of september,it may seemed unnoticed,yet its true,fasting is coming.though its a sin not to fast,ironically some pethatic ones still has the verge not to fast,clinging on the thought...ermm..nevermind,i rather not talk about it.

the day signaled pure warmness in a way we all could feel-early,bright and recklessness during recess.unexpected,we were returned of our history papers.ain was the highest,cant remember about the results tho,but i sure do about the comment.it was her handwriting which scoured them.Her handwriting was considered big and restrained with blunt bony letters that stopped long before the end of the page.

While i gazed out into space,i recalled the bubble yum i promised kim.Kim ur boring,idiot you didnt do my dare.nyeh.Though i failed contriving him,it was all because he wasnt jobsworth of the regulations i made,but i still had the fun bullying him and got him to losing end.poor kimmy.nyahaha

Filing out of the school gates,me and the girls shepherded down the aisle towards sun plaza away from the curious onlookers(the mats and minahs whom gathered under e blocks smoking away).squinting our eyes, i burned much more in boiling sweat and feel my flames augmented manifold.at tt juncture,i wished the fire could harden to ice,and ice congealed with senseless cold.how wonderful device if it happens.

tralalalala..i sung home.

today

2005-09-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

my day wasn't too boring tho,cause i was out since afternoon and just got back in like few minutes ago.

it had been a while since i went out wif smelly cat,gg.so,with bright intentions,i rented her to have me accompanied for the rest of the day.we went to causewaypoint ,as per normal,malls are our bestfriend.our body weight were to heavy that it encouraged us to go somewhere near since it was sunday.seriously our body need a rest too.Gg wolfed down this rice and chicken fillet meal at long john which doesnt taste so define.nyeh.

Later during the walk,we hit metro,a leading clothing store which was littered with hundreds of gorgeous apparels.Unconciosly,i noticed a cute black halter top accompanied with goden sequins along the neck line.It was the exact piece i've been searching for all this months.Apart from that,gg too tripped over a cute lacy white top and we both made minds to try them on.And so we did.haha.gg looked really hot in it,and so do i.we giggled like young girls,snapping pictures by gg's new camera phone and complement others for the maginificent look we had on us,and were so physco by it that we felt so overwhelmed to buy them.but too bad we dont have the cash.nyeh.

After hours of window shopping,we felt our legs battered which can break down any moment.So we took the time off and bought a super sweet ice cream from gelare and lick away at the nearby bench.totally. i end the day with a ride by gg's dad car for a free broomed home .thanks to gg and dad.i heart u.

fingers are complaining for vigorious typing and stinky pillow is calling.so long losers.purrr...

boring

2005-09-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

i'm a bitch,i rot people,i stink and i suck big time,and i mean really big.wttvr.

Saturday is soo not my day.So anyway,i happened to woke up at 6.50 and groped myself out of bed only because i thought i was late for school,when it was fuggin saturday.Thanks to god,i didnt make my way to the washroom and get dressed, or not i'll be the only one in school to have a saturday assembly.Stupid me.

Maneuvering to the face of the computer screen,again i start figuring whut on the hell of earth should i do after the major exams.this are the intentions literally on the list,
1.get a job.where?toys 'r' us or giordano(a recommendation by ain)
2.buy a new bicycle and wheel away in hours.
3.wardrobe makeover
4.enter clubs and have a ball of time.
5.*planning*

those are the 4 basic things i have in mind.Oh well,not much but they don't keep me bored during the month though.

I'm friggin bored.Not anymore can I rot.Im dying.Mum,can i go out now?

laterr

2005-09-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

oh well,here i am agian.Its been awhile since i updated my blog,and the only reason was,to have my blog well satisfying.Nothing much occur today though i nearly dozed off during the last 20 minutes of maths lesson.The blissful swirling of immense wind paid my hearing no attention,since all the corrections was done yeasterday,furthermore, the weather was great which completely disoriented me and my increasing weakness in listening.The pencil slipped off my fingers and i fall asleeep aimlessly.

Hate to mention,i was late for school this morning.I woked up with a nose block and wrenching ache backs.I took all the time i could past and gradually got nearer to the hellish gates.Still in a sleepy stupor, i dragged my feet mindlessly only to notice the security guard marvling at me like a seductive rapist on caught of he's fresh victim.Ugh.

for a friend

2005-09-15T00:06:00.000-07:00

I specially dedicate this story to a friend of mine named, Rahmat.After hearing your story,i altruistically structured it in my post since it's hallucinating.

Loss and healing

When i was nearly seven years old I was just a mere bit of a boy.Short straight hair framed my happy little freckled face and my lively black eyes looked at everything in curious anticipation of delights to be.

I was a happy carefree kid...until the day i fell.It was a bad fall.I landed on the bed of sand while i was sliding down a playground slide which cause my left arm to fractured miserably.Trying to save the arm, the doctors injected some medication and bandaged it,making my arm looked so huge like a human with a gorilla's arm except that mine didn't have much hair.The attempt had caused me to be hospitalised, but my mother, in all her wisdom, found a way to heal it faster by keeping me accompany through the cold night by lying with me in the hospital bed.From the corner of my eye, I held my eyes to her face and a pool of emotions came pouring in.Though i was still mentally raw,i felt the love she spread across my heart.The care and possiblity she gave was incomparable to the days i will be missing her.

Months passed with only traces of memories flooding my mind.It was in the morning when I was awokened by a pat and soft voices of my father.I delibrately opened my exhausted eyes and noticed he's expression,it scared me.Something was wrong. ''What happened?Tell me what's wrong,"I pleaded.He held his tears back firmly.Then softly and slowly words came out of the mouth.My mother had suffered from a massive cancer and kidney failure that morning.I delievered a nonchalant expression.It was nothing to me,since I was too young to understand the issue.When i asked if she was okay, my father shook his head.She had died.I slowly sat down back on the bed.Reality crept in; tears filled my eyes and steamed down my face.I felt a whirlwind of emotions: shock, fear, confusion, anger, hysteria.I was lost in emotions never before conjured.

The cancer finally left her body when she was in her thirties and never returned.We shared the joy of life after cancer when she soared like an eagle into the academic world, excelling in everything she touched.My mother learned how precious life is and had fought to the end to hang on to every morsel of it.Cancer then stepped into the background of our lives.

Up until that moment, my life had been like a strand of bright and colourful Christmas ligts.With my mother's death, one bulb was ripped out and the entire strand went black.I was seven and unable to put my life back together.Life became confusing.I felt robbed of my innocence and identity.I was faced with emotions that I never had to deal with before.I constantly faced new obstacles and tasks.I forgot who I was, where I was going and how to move on.Each member in my family had devised his or own technique for dealing with our loss.Nomatter how they chose to grieve, I knew their method was more effective than mine.In my grief, i felt inceasingly isolated.Looking back,I realize that strangely, i had become comfortable in my dark,unstable world.I began to feel safe;I was lonely and sheltered in my nest of hurt and discouragement.

I don't remember exactly why or how I began to climb out of misery.My friends and family were huge contributions.With their help, I broke tasks into smaller steps.I learned to handle my problems differently.It took time and plenty of willpower, but eventually I pushed myself out into the light.I came to realize the importance of every moment and not to take life for granted.

Now sixteen, as tragic as the experience of losing my mother was, i feel that it has pushed me to become a stronger person.Life is a gift, and even through pain and complexity, I realized that i cannot and will not give up; I will not abandon my identity.Today i feel that i have developed the strength and knowledge to grow and mature.I have learned to respect life and all of its blessings.My mother remained out of focus,a shadowy figure.I think my mother would be proud of me.

A contribution

hatred

2005-09-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

i'm starting to think more and action less.i cannot stand less being patient.To further on it,it's a huge shame for guys to get disheartened by a small snap of words.Listen boys it's a pain in the ass.And the aftermath is sulking and wait for the gentlelady to plaster a crescent of sweetness across their hearts.call me a bitch cause that's whut i am.I'll template you for whut's fact and surface it with sarcasm.im sorry but i can't potray decent longer.Your perpetual mind signs is not a hunger to my "empty" hollow brain.Accept it or take it to chute.Your mutual language brings pure intimidation.Words grimaced can no longer fence me from skinning u alive and squeeze your too mild heart to showers.

Maybe i was just overeacting.

currently chatting with jeff.A boy who loses easily to intimacy.hehe.My friendster is hungry.It needs testimonials.So jeff,i'm patiently waiting.I'm either not mentally abused by planting a kiss on you and taken aback by ur perception of me losing,"KAN DAH KALAH!!"it doesnt help in any way.By not replying ur statement does not delivers my attempt on losing.I can rot you if you want.Sorry.You surfaced it as a joke but, I know you partly meant it.No need to put words to your acclaimation jeff.I'm not offended and i hope ur not too okay.I'm just putting feelings into words.So basically im waiting fer my testi,As you promised, tomorrow or the day after.Take your part.

goodnight bitches.im awating fer the next nightmare.

rot

2005-09-08T00:35:00.000-07:00

i can't stand rotting at home.i need to get the hell out for at least 3 hours.omg.somebody please bring me out.there's nothing i can do,besides get the com to entertain me or watch the tv.this is soo driving me insane.

fix me sumone to get with for today.please god im begging u

bitches

2005-09-06T01:58:00.000-07:00

currently listening to pussycat dolls's dont cha.This song has got me addicted,and i mean soo addicted.it just boost my spirits high.

im trying to make sense here.i had my sense all wrong.they're making each own's tracks.see,whut i mean is,i fetish slim feminine frames.but not till the extent of being ashamed of myself which is by staring at myself in a zero size sundress draped loosely over me.Or in fact, looking like a little girl swimming in her mother's clothes.I dont want to get panic as my eyes frantically scanned through the rest of my body only to find out that my face become gaunt,and my bright eyes had become dull and faded,later,just slightly sunken in as if all my desire for life has been sucked out.With every glance,i see fat here and there,where there should have been the beginnings of womanly curves.I dont want everything about me to be so tiny and frail tt reminds me of a twig tt could be snapped with a blow of harsh winter wind.And lastly,i dont want to have myself ended, overwhelmed my guilt.

now im figuring if there's a conclusion to drastic change.
As the day snatches time,I bring myself forward to the head to toe mirror in my room and stood there criticising myself about how fat i looked and how tight the shirt was.how had this happened?I found out in my first stage of teenage, which was the year when attention on being thin became emphasized.Diets became my obsession.There was a new one to try every month,each promising better results than the last.They were "in style" the same way bohemians or surfbabes clothes like roxy were.I was insecure about being fat,which suprised people because they say i have such a healthy-hot-cute body.But seeing those stick-figured girls talk about thier diets only perpetuated my insecurity.

recovery

2005-09-02T01:52:00.000-07:00

what a night.
my beauty lies to the beholder-Him

Anticipation tingles my skin,and his hand is cold as it rest in mine.The shadows of the trees dance on his dark featured face.Moonlight eerily bounces off the river.The moonlight reflects the cold beats of sweat bulit up on his neck.We came clearing in the park, our clearing.It's the first place we sat together for two and a half hours together.We both involuntarily sat on a brick, hand in hand,shoulder to shoulder,leg to leg.Unconsciuosly, he brushes of a smudge of eyeliner off my face.I lean on to him.As we laughed,i looked at his face for a quick observation.His eyes seeks reconcillation.The moonlights bathes us in a luminious light, but its just dark enough to see only sillhouettes.The birds up in the sky sang a lovely melody.And for one brief shining moment,he's the boy i've been missing for.

teachers day.

2005-08-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

it was hell alot of a fun.i stole the croud in just seconds..eyes scanning through me were never ending.Standing infront of the crowd was a glowing experience.To be so much in fear of facing the crowd on stage was a nightmare , however, i pulled it just now and it was a significant one.woohoo!wolf whistles filled up the hall together with glared eyes and soaring lungs driven my screams overwhelmed me with recognition.wan kin and gg pulled out the crowd like fucking nobody's buisness.what an awesome band.
Being an emcee was a pasionate duty, tho the stress pressing was merciless.But me raimi and zai resulted it to a magnificent one tho.while my speech raced the crowd's mind,i trembled viciously to a point where i have to shovel my other hand so as not to make it obvious.
there came apoint where, i gave george a slender slide od arm to arm connection only to make my way out.slap me somebody, cause part of the reason was to get physically close to him.aww..hehe.enough for now.firos pressing me for an early posting.

good night bitches

you were mine

2005-08-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

Every minute of the upcoming week was planned.Just as soon as i returned from kim's house, everything seems to run in my mind. I'm like no more further from N's.Honestly, im getting panic.Even with help and courageous talk from friends, the work list is still daunting.It was time to start preparing the mindset before i release myself to the cold seat.

*sigh*Lets not think about it.so anywaes,just returned from kim's house.i wish i could sleepover your house kim, but as u said malay's stereobox mentality.Laterr.kim, gg and wan were trying so hard to find for a perfect teachers day song and eventually felt extreme engrossed over it that they tripped over a lame elton john's lyrics.still hav relations abt teachers tho.
we wolfed down chicken rice which kim's mum bought,delicious but our stomachs were'nt fully emptied.

Talking abt teacher's day concert.i hope i'll be e emcy and i wanna be the emcy.Mr raj was so biased tt he ignored our hard work.Counsellors seemingly is s he's onli best.Ppl, this is the result of getting to hooked on quality leadership until he got so influenced so much tt any judgement he make is likely to be unfair.whut a cowhead fucker.

I now taking my fingers off the keyboard.I'm fuggin tired and my backbone is gonna fall off any moment.

Goodnight bitches

omg

2005-08-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

OMG.i am so fuggin tired.I feel like an ant squashed to death.Well actually now, im squashed with F&n CW.what's more is that, kim is going to mow me down with a tracker 5 times and marked my necks by strangalation.kim, i'm waiting.F&n has been bugging me for the past 120 hours.Gosh! I need help.it has to be done my tomorrow and its still undone.Though how hard i tried to be extra focus, no shit seems to past out my brain.uhh.
Well,today has been a very tiring day.Carried a 2 kg amp,was helping kim actually since his les paul had caused him kneeling.Poor thing.we left school then broomed off to mac where i got a free burger by kim(u rock my socks!)
Currently chatting wif jeff and arif.So long folks.Im off for now.

Goodnight bitches

primor amor

2005-08-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

Love me for me Mr Georgy

Intrigues me with every move,till I'm breathless,I' helpless,can't regain composure.
Steals my heart as he takes my hand.
Felt his fingertips as he grip my hips and I slip as we dip into a state of bliss.
I begin to give in with no hesitation,can't help my infatuation.

Its pure infatuation

With skin the colour of cinnamon,his eyes lights up and I melt within.
He brings life to my fantasies,sparks a passion inside of me.
As I finds the words when I cannot speak,
In the silence his heart-beat is music to me.
I'm wanting to explore his world but part of me wants to hide.
Hold me, say that you adore me,
Never let go,never leave me lonely.

Its pure infatuation

What a feeling of vulnerbility coming over me.
Feeling weak as I cant speak nor cant think.
Never thought I'd give in so willingly to a human being,
With abillties to set me free,let me be me.

Stripped of all make up,
no need for fancy clothes.
no cover ups,push ups.
With him,I don't have to put on a show.
He loves every freckle,every curve.every inch of my skin.
Fulfilling me entirely,taking all of me in.
He's real.he's honesty.he is Mr Georgy

21august 2005

2005-08-23T01:56:00.000-07:00

Its rather true that i have yet to publish a new post due to the insufficient time god has to offer,only to tie nerves of my brain vessels yo a knot.I insisted on clearing past assignments and doubts,hopefully i could lay it to the teachers on time.I dunno whut triggered me to do far well for N,it regained my consciousness tho,but whatever the reason is,endurance is the virtue.

So nothing when wrong today.The weather was wonderful leaving me to freezing point.It gave me a pleasant and acceptable way to go out for the evening,but usually i wont,back home i will be sleeping throughout.Its beneficial though.Classes went smoothly,relevant subject teachers wasn't making fusses and they borrowed time well too.Teachers day is nearing and raimi had an idea of broadcasting to all the students eyes during the celebration.So,half of us class snap candids and videos as we wished "happy teachers day!"gasto-ly.laterr people.haha.In the midst of everything,someone wasnt happy of my reaction,she claimed me of bitching around with her not-so handsome boyfriend when i was friggin onli talking and laughing.She then percolate down the emotions to close friends redeeming me a bitch.Ponitificating her always-right.Lick my ass biatch,suckhead loser shit.bluek!

Not forgetting,heading back home,a troup of primary school kids lame leaders was stoopidly fighting as zai and i were giving our evryday bitchy look.throwing words,taken me to golly.Dispute hold us two as i snapped back right to he's mothafucking face.what pure grimace he's face has.tsk tsk.

Enough about people.they're boring to my channel.

And so....

Hush,hush little georgy.

ticking

2005-08-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

The days passes quickly over me.It was comparable to a ray of light.I faltingly opened my my eyes, only to be out of my room so that the air-con mechanic could check the aircons.Laterr.God loved me so much that he hesitate me to the toilet for a wash up,because the mechanic happened to only check and not repair the aircons which took less then half an hour.Ugh.I heard my plushy pillows calling,so i head back to where i belong half an hour ago,sleeping.

Later in the afternoon,I had lunch and started off with my school assignment.I polished my maths ending to an amount of 4 hours duration.After which,I snapped up to the com for a blog check.Pathetically,the com had nothing to entertain me.Nyeh.So,I got dressed and head to my cousin sister's house where there's these baby who was magnificently cute but his cries were pure cutesy.His tears flowed down soiling his shirt and the screams coming from he's throat were truly malicous to the ears.I nearly wanted to scream "shut up",but no authority says i should.Bluek!

My body was turning to thrash as soon as i got home.Closing the gate behind me with the door left ajar ,i noticed my dad wolfing down a bowl of porridge.Yum.Thats all i have to share for today people.Goodnight

Laterr

walking away

2005-08-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

Whispering in your silence
I let out a silent pray, hoping that my stripped act would end.
And I would die by your hidden cursings.
I was prey in your bed, and devoured completely.

I need to get away from you,walk away

I should have known that I was used for an amusement.
Could'nt see through the smoke,it was all an illusion.
Now i have been licking my wounds,but the venom seeps deeper
We both can seduce girl, but you hold me prisoner.

Get away,walk away

I'm about to break as I tried stopping this ache.
I'm trapped to your web and I'm fiending for a cure.
Every step I take is leading me to a plaintive mistake,
Getting nothing in return,instead pure betrayal and negligence.
What did i do to deserve the pain of this slow burn on my chest.

To walk away.

Inside I screaming,begging pleading no more.
Now what to do,my heart has been bruised.So sad but its true.
Hurting my soul because I can't let go and these walls are caving in and I can't stop this suffering.I hate to show that i've lost control.Overreacting painlessly in your solitary confinement.

I need to get away from you,walk away.

Today's Mixture.

2005-08-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

It is friday today,but I felt like wednesday.My five hours of sleep has been disturbed by my self-timed-body-clock.In which i only wake up when the clouds were purple with a tint of early morning's dark sky.Though I didn't hear the alarm bell,my body has been adapted to the forceful morning woke ups I had for the past few years of morning education.Isnuggle out of bed as the hindrance of school dragged me unmercifully to the toilet.After fifteen minutes of wash ups, I delibrately shovel my uniform and put it onto my plumpy frame.After which,I gulped down a cup of warm milo and called gg whether she was ready.
School started of with an ear piercing draggy nag by Mr Indian pontianak-Raj.Raj would deliver a grimace image if he were displeased by our actions and misbehaviour-ness during assembly.Screw him.
School ended at 12.30 after which kim,wan,gg and i spent our lunch venue at kfc.Kim and wan had kfc meals while gg and i went for old chang kee and doughnuts invidually.We followed accordingly to what was planned,which was to go straight to kimmikos house for band practice,in another words its jamming.We spent the whole afternoon jamming.I sang "end of me" song and spend the rest of the time until 6.30, rearranging the new song i composed for hakim.Kim,i hope you like it yar.sorry if it is too long.Soon then,gg,wan,khai and i left for home together with a packet of chocolaty milo bar.yum yum.

2005-08-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

My blog has been rather stagnant all because I have been busy trying to find the perfect skin. Its very stressing, I almost caused my brain to explode. Thanks to Kim and GG for the tutorials of blogging. I'm off for now.

Doubtful

2005-08-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Although I'm quite hesitant to have a blog, I don't know what is it that triggered a feeling in me of entering the blogsphere world. Its going to be interesting. But the thing is, I am not going to update frequently, only when I feel like it.